Invitation from Worry

Thanksgiving is a stressful time for me normally, but this last one seemed more intense as we had what felt like a  crisis happening in our immediate family. I found myself awake at night running through all the “what ifs.” Then, I felt guilty for worrying about something I have no power to fix. I kept hearing the words “be anxious for nothing” replay over and over in my mind. I cried out to the Lord, “how am I not supposed to worry?!” I felt scared and helpless.

Have you been there? Overwhelmed by a circumstance that feels disastrous as you imagine worse case scenarios? Are you worried now? Anxiety is a big topic and as believers we can tend to miss the opportunity that worry brings to grow more intimately close to our Lord. This intimacy is not nourished by dismissing our worries or minimizing our feelings, but by turning toward Jesus and letting Him Shepherd us through.

Jesus invites us to draw near. He brings us close, so He can teach us how to process our fear and experience His peace and rest. Do you ever wonder why Jesus often went away to lonely places? I believe part of the reason was He needed to express His fearful worried feelings to His Father. He needed a safe place. He longed to receive comfort and perspective along with the peace that transcends our circumstances. He needed, like us, a place to be completely honest about His feelings and be totally vulnerable.

Pause a moment and identify a worry or anxious thought that continues to occupy your mind. [You may want to grab your journal and fully engage in this process]

I’m going to paraphrase a few passages that address the same theme of worry and anxiety from the gospels and Paul’s letters. 

With your worry in mind, listen to Jesus’ invitation,

“________(your name)_______, Come here. Look into my eyes and give thanks. Breathe in My unfailing love and faithfulness. My understanding is beyond measure.I want to give you My peace. Will you rejoice in that promise? I want to give you rest and lighten your load. Can you give thanks for that? I have everything you need. I know you’re tired, let me teach you. I truly don’t want you to worry about your life (or the lives of others). Link arms with Me now. Let’s walk together through this. Our Father knows what you (and they) need.” Rejoice in Me.

 (Matthew 6:25; 11:26-28) 

“Now that you’re focused on the abundance of who I AM,  tell me exactly what you need. Don’t leave anything out. Freely express your feelings and thoughts, your fears and hopes. Pour it all out and know I hear you and I understand. Don’t rush, I care about every detail of your life.

Pause here and recall what I’ve already done. Give thanks again.”  [You may want to make a list of all that God has already done for you]

“Now, rest in Me. Live in Me. Breathe in Me. I want you to experience my peace that exceeds anything you can understand. My peace will guard your heart and mind as you live in Me. Keep putting this into practice then and fix your mind, your thoughts on what is true in Me, not on your circumstance. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.Continually pray and give thanks.”

Philippians 4:4-9

This is not a one and done. This is where we live. Constantly returning to joy, giving thanks, expressing our needs and focusing on listening and following Jesus’ lead. He is our peace. 

Don’t be ashamed or guilty about your worried feelings. They’re inviting you to draw near. Let them lead you into the throne of grace and receive the help you need.

May God bless you as you grow in grace and peace wherever you find yourself today. 

Forty and Flying Free!

Celebrating life being different for our daughters at 40 than it was for many of us.

My oldest daughter turned 40 this week. At one point in the celebration, her closest friends and sisters were sharing what she meant to each one of them and what an impact she has had in their lives. While I listened to them share story after story of how she has used her God given gifts to bless each one of them, my heart was full. In that same moment, I flashed back to my own journey and I was surprised at what came to the surface unexpectedly. 

My two daughters and daughter in law were all sitting next to each other around the beautifully set table. I looked at them and thought, “wow. They are all thriving in their work life and home life. They are where they’re supposed to be and there is no glass ceiling holding them back.” Then, I flashed to the clear memory I hold  from years ago, when I was in an organization that stifled women and restricted their gifts and pay. My girls were in their early teen years when I started realizing that they were strong, gifted women. I realized that in the work I did they would not be able to go and grow as far they could and give to the world all that God had created them to give. 

I had never been a feminist, in fact I ignorantly judged what the original intent of feminism even was. I started having unwelcome thoughts about equal pay for equal work. I was leading a large ministry of women working over 40 hours per week. I was making less than half of the men on our staff who worked the same. Yes, some had more education (but less experience); but not all. This was not a battle I wanted to enter and I avoided it for a long time. But, the injustice of it wouldn’t leave me alone as I looked at my daughters and wondered how this looked to them. How this example would help or hinder their futures. 

I wasn’t angry, I was scared. I hate conflict and I truly loved what I did and received a lot of affirmation in it. But, it finally came to the point where I knew I needed to approach the board and express my thoughts. As I entered the board room of twelve men (mostly 10+ years older than me at the time), I was very nervous. I prepared my concerns thoughtfully and simply read it to them. I can’t remember it all, but two things stand out which I brought up for discussion that evening. 

I asked two simple questions of them:

1. Is what I am doing in alignment with what you believe a woman should be doing?

2. Would any of you do what I do for what I am getting paid?

I was functioning like a pastor (counseling, teaching, shepherding etc.) in an organization that believed women can’t have that role. Although I didn’t hold the title, I held the responsibilities. I outlined for them what I typically did in a week. They actually told me I ‘function like a pastor.’ 

It was silent for several moments, and then one leader asked, “Grace, are you asking about equal pay for equal work?”  I slowly responded, “I guess I am.”

More silence, and then the leader of the team who I love and respect greatly, turned to me and gently asked, “Grace, do you associate how much we pay you with how much we appreciate you?” I looked at him and quietly asked, “do you?”

There is a lot more to this story, but that was the beginning of the end for me there. I started studying Scripture and reading interpretations outside of the stream I was entrenched in. My eyes and heart were opened to consider other very valid views and the emotions I was feeling were valid. I started having thoughts like, “what if my sister in law (who has saved countless lives around the world), was told she could’t be a doctor because she is a woman? What if my cousin who is an amazing teacher was told she couldn’t teach? What if Corrie Ten Boom (one of my heroes) was told she couldn’t teach men and women about the Biblical call to forgive? I started reading about incredible women throughout history who impacted their worlds for the Kingdom of God.

 I started studying the women in the Bible who excelled in ministry and the way Jesus Himself brought women forward, even to the point of asking a woman to be the first to tell the disciples about HIs resurrection. What if my own daughters, nieces,  and their friends were told they could only fly so high because they are women? As I looked around the birthday celebration table, I was in awe of the group that was gathered. Strong, inspiring, committed, loving women who are breathing life into this world with full freedom and joy. From lawyers, to stay at home moms, they are thriving! Many of them gave Vali credit for encouraging them along the way to do what they feel called to do without fear. It was a special night.

Leaving the staff, the church, the ‘family’ that I had been a part of for close to 30 years was very painful and lonely. I have a few scars from trying to break through that glass ceiling. It still stings at times. But, looking around the room that night and seeing the joy on the faces of the next generation as they love God and walk out their path gave me a sense of peace and confirmation that the way I chose to follow was the right one for me and mine.