What do I do with my doubts? What do you do?

I have a lot of doubts. I made a list of my doubts this morning. It wasn’t hard to come up with a list. Here are a few:

I doubt some people will ever change (including myself)

I doubt we will all come out of this ‘crisis’ still friends

I doubt there is/will be enough

I doubt our leaders know what they’re doing. I doubt anyone does. I doubt we have any control over any of this

I doubt I can get over (forgive?) some of the unkind words I’m hearing and reading

I doubt my own theories and beliefs

I doubt yours

I doubt “everything will be okay” 

Am I being too negative? I don’t think so. I went to this place because I was spending time in one of the most compelling snapshots found in Matthew (11:1-5). Here it is:

John the Baptist, who was in prison, heard about all the things the Messiah was doing. So he sent his disciples to ask Jesus, “Are you the Messiah we’ve been expecting or should we keep looking for someone else?”

Did you catch WHO is asking? JB! Jesus’ cousin. The one who baptized him and declared his identity early on. John, who knew Jesus, had doubts when he was in prison waiting to be beheaded. Picture yourself visiting John and hearing him ask that question. 

Then Jesus gives a strange answer. I would expect Jesus to say, “tell John I’m coming. Tell him I love him and will break open those prison doors soon. Tell him to not fear but just have faith.”

Here is the response from Jesus, 

“Go back to John and tell him what you have heard and seen—the blind see, the lame walk, the lepers are cured, the deaf hear, the dead are raised to life, and the Good News is being preached to the poor. And tell him, “God blesses those who do not turn away because of me.” (some translations say, “who are not offended by me”)

Go back to that place with John. It’s not looking too good for him. From what he can see with his human eye things seem hopeless. I don’t begin to compare any of my circumstances with John, but I do believe there is a gift in this story that I need to receive. Jesus is inviting John to see Him and to know who He is in spite of what isn’t happening for John in the moment. And Jesus is saying, “don’t turn your face from Me.” Jesus is not saying, stop your doubting. 

Jesus is not telling John to deny how hard it is right now. But, Jesus is handing John a promise. Jesus is offering John the blessing of God. Jesus is inviting John to not turn away but to gaze at Him. To see His unfailing love pouring out with unlimited compassion. Jesus is not turning away from John, but He is opening John’s heart to Himself. He’s inviting John to  not be offended in this uncertain time, but to turn to Him in his doubts and hear the truth. Jesus is inviting John to trust Him in his doubts. This is an incredible gift. 

Here is how I put this into practice* today.

Name the doubt; and then turn to Jesus and listen. Listen carefully. What do you hear? 

The blind will see (where do you need clarity?); the lame will walk (when do you feel paralyzed?); the sick will be cured (what do you need?); the dead will be raised (what feels hopeless to you?); there is Good News (do you hear it?) 

 John was brutally honest, and even exposed his doubt to his own disciples. He was vulnerable and Jesus met him there. Maybe you’re at a point where you can’t pretend to not have doubts. Jesus welcomes you with your doubts and He promises you the blessing of God in simply turning toward Him. 

I experienced the blessing of God this morning as I turned to Jesus with my doubts (which encapsulate my discouragement, disappointment and injury). Confessing these openly and honestly took the power away from them as I focused on Who Jesus is. I can’t explain it, but I encourage you to try it. The blessing of Immanuel (God with us) in our doubts is priceless. Expressing our doubts (fear) is not denying our faith, but it is part of a personal relationship with a living Savior. I have a choice of whether to turn toward or away. He invites me to Come with all my doubts. Gosh I love that!

I’m sure this is a *practice I will need to lean into again and again, but knowing Jesus meets me there fills me with joy. If you try this practice, I'd love to hear about it.