Invitation from Worry

Thanksgiving is a stressful time for me normally, but this last one seemed more intense as we had what felt like a  crisis happening in our immediate family. I found myself awake at night running through all the “what ifs.” Then, I felt guilty for worrying about something I have no power to fix. I kept hearing the words “be anxious for nothing” replay over and over in my mind. I cried out to the Lord, “how am I not supposed to worry?!” I felt scared and helpless.

Have you been there? Overwhelmed by a circumstance that feels disastrous as you imagine worse case scenarios? Are you worried now? Anxiety is a big topic and as believers we can tend to miss the opportunity that worry brings to grow more intimately close to our Lord. This intimacy is not nourished by dismissing our worries or minimizing our feelings, but by turning toward Jesus and letting Him Shepherd us through.

Jesus invites us to draw near. He brings us close, so He can teach us how to process our fear and experience His peace and rest. Do you ever wonder why Jesus often went away to lonely places? I believe part of the reason was He needed to express His fearful worried feelings to His Father. He needed a safe place. He longed to receive comfort and perspective along with the peace that transcends our circumstances. He needed, like us, a place to be completely honest about His feelings and be totally vulnerable.

Pause a moment and identify a worry or anxious thought that continues to occupy your mind. [You may want to grab your journal and fully engage in this process]

I’m going to paraphrase a few passages that address the same theme of worry and anxiety from the gospels and Paul’s letters. 

With your worry in mind, listen to Jesus’ invitation,

“________(your name)_______, Come here. Look into my eyes and give thanks. Breathe in My unfailing love and faithfulness. My understanding is beyond measure.I want to give you My peace. Will you rejoice in that promise? I want to give you rest and lighten your load. Can you give thanks for that? I have everything you need. I know you’re tired, let me teach you. I truly don’t want you to worry about your life (or the lives of others). Link arms with Me now. Let’s walk together through this. Our Father knows what you (and they) need.” Rejoice in Me.

 (Matthew 6:25; 11:26-28) 

“Now that you’re focused on the abundance of who I AM,  tell me exactly what you need. Don’t leave anything out. Freely express your feelings and thoughts, your fears and hopes. Pour it all out and know I hear you and I understand. Don’t rush, I care about every detail of your life.

Pause here and recall what I’ve already done. Give thanks again.”  [You may want to make a list of all that God has already done for you]

“Now, rest in Me. Live in Me. Breathe in Me. I want you to experience my peace that exceeds anything you can understand. My peace will guard your heart and mind as you live in Me. Keep putting this into practice then and fix your mind, your thoughts on what is true in Me, not on your circumstance. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.Continually pray and give thanks.”

Philippians 4:4-9

This is not a one and done. This is where we live. Constantly returning to joy, giving thanks, expressing our needs and focusing on listening and following Jesus’ lead. He is our peace. 

Don’t be ashamed or guilty about your worried feelings. They’re inviting you to draw near. Let them lead you into the throne of grace and receive the help you need.

May God bless you as you grow in grace and peace wherever you find yourself today. 

Hush Harbor

Do you need to enter your own hush harbor? I sure do!

Do you ever read something and it jumps right off the page? Something that captures your imagination and your curiosity? Something that resonates with a longing of your own and you want to drink in all it’s offering? C.S. Lewis wrote that “we read to know we’re not alone.” Isn’t that true?

I just read a story* that is continuing to captivate my mind. A story that connects no where in my life yet offers an image I will hold on to. It is an account of slaves in the deep south during the mid 1800’s. It illustrates how they experienced God with them by anchoring themselves in Hope. 

Every Sunday they were forced to go to church to hear the same preaching over and over again:  “obey your masters and do not  lie or steal!” There would be an overseer to make sure the preacher said what the master wanted his slaves to hear and obey. 

How did they keep their hope alive? Where did all those powerful spirituals come from if that was their church? How did hope anchor them when their daily lives were lived in severe oppression? How were they able to grow in this hope without the luxury of Bible Study and grounded teaching? Or beautifully crafted worship songs or hymns?

It was not uncommon for slaves to sneak into the woods, or thickets, or swamps at night. A place where they could freely express their soul desire to connect with God. To cry out for freedom and receive assurance of His presence with them. Huddling together, speaking in hushed tones, they would have their own worship service with a whispered sermon and singing. This time/place was called HUSH HARBOR. In this harbor, they were assured that God was with them. God was with them in the undefined spaces. God is with us in ours. 

Hush harbors gave the slaves a place to cultivate hope as they waited for deliverance. One slave, named Jacob, explains that he made it a habit (practice) to stop three times a day, rest quietly, and enter his own hush harbor to recenter himself with God. His own invisible refuge. A place to remember that hope lies in the unseen (Hebrews 11:1).At great risk, Jacob would literally fall on his knees three times a day and pray. One day his cruel master named Saunders, pointed a gun to his head and told him to get back to work and stop praying. Jacob finished his prayer and invited Saunders to pull the trigger. “Your loss will be my gain…the body belongs to you, but my soul belongs to Jesus.” Saunders was so shaken by Jacob’s strength he never bothered him again. 

Jacob experienced the hope of God in the midst of hopeless and extremely vulnerable circumstances. Hebrews 6:18 says, “we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.” 

Listen to the experiential language here:

 Fled. Great confidence. Hold to the hope. Strong. Trustworthy anchor. 

Because Jacob had fled to Refuge again and again, he experienced great confidence as he held to the hope laid before him. He didn't have to decide what to do in that moment, he honestly responded from his heart.

Great confidence is not something we decide to have. It’s not an outcome of the right information or a sanguine personality. It is a fruit of belonging to Jesus. It’s cultivated through hush harbors of our own. Times when we intentionally engage in the Presence of God and experience the Trinity beyond words. Hope is a product of relationship. An outcome of dwelling in God our refuge (Jesus called it abiding). A few intentional moments throughout the day when we aren’t telling God what to do, but mindfully drawing near to our closest Friend. Touch points that ground our souls with hope as our anchor.  Jacob’s strong anchor held him steady in that moment because his soul was nourished in the inner sanctuary of God. Refuge. 

These focused moments of rest from whatever’s happening around us and inside of us give us opportunity to give thanks and to celebrate God’s grace throughout the day. They also anchor us when we are exhausted, scared, crushed, despairing, or confused. When we’re out of answers and out of words. When we’re out of suggestions for how it should go. When we’re vulnerable. At this very edge, we’re invited to go beyond the curtain (what we can see)  and into the presence of God. The inner sanctuary. Fleeing to our Refuge. Our own hush harbor. There's no right or wrong way to enter. Hope leads us. We come as refugees in whatever shape we're in.

Breath prayer** is one practice that helps me pull into the shore of my hush harbor and re-center my soul throughout the day (and often in the night). Whether it’s a day full of little waves or a time of great turbulence, we  always have access to this safe harbor because Jesus welcomes us there. What helps you anchor in? Do you need to enter and rest in Hush Harbor? Will you let hope lead you?

**You’ll find breath prayers I’ve shared posted on facebook and instagram under gracecabalka

P.S. I don't even begin to imagine I can relate to anything the slaves endured. I just know I often feel overwhelmed by life and overcrowded by noise and stress. I need to practice rest and this story gives such a beautiful testimony of hush harbor. Can you relate? Thanks so much for reading today!

1. *with by Skye Jethani, pgs.153-155

Insider Information: Grief and Year of Jubilee

I can handle this

Childhood home torn down October 2016

My childhood home was demolished last October. That image has become a metaphor for me in this process of grief and loss. It was a great home, but its season has passed. Now, something new and more useful for this season is being built. The process is hard, ugly, painful, lonely and messy; but, extremely necessary. 

I've always been independent. I was raised to be. So, I'm not the best at taking advice, or easily believing what others say is true. Six years ago, I took a course on Grief, Trauma and Loss. I learned a lot of great information, but deep down thought, it can't be that big of deal. The teacher kept talking about the hard work of grief.  It's not something you get over, it's something you go through. It's work, it's complicated. I dismissed those words and put them in the category of: yeah, for the poor, weak, and emotional ones! Poor things.

Most chapters in life can't really be understood, until you've lived them. Like studying the map of New York and knowing all the subway lines, but not really understanding the experience until you've gotten lost on one. That doesn't mean you shouldn't enter the conversation with those who have been, or are in, the midst of confusion. 

As I was taking the course, my mom was diagnosed with cancer. Nine months later, she passed. Three months before my mom passed, a very close friend of mine died as well. Here's a summary of my 2012, as far as losses go: 

May: good friend died

August: mom died

September: favorite, and best dog ever died

October: major immediate family crisis

November: sold our home of 23 years and moved to a new neighborhood

December: husband's job changed (I, too, made a huge job move the previous year)

My default is to keep going, others have it much worse, buck up. So, I did. 

My strong, independent dad was alone, after 57 years, and left to take care of himself. I had to be strong for him. I had to keep helping others, I had to serve in the church. I had to...

My dad passed last July 31, 2016. That changed everything.

Even after all the personal work I'd done on leading and living from a place of rest, I put on my soldier boots and kept marching. As you've probably guessed, I hit a ditch, a dark one, and couldn't jump out; I had to climb. One step at a time. Baby steps, one step forward, five back etc. I'm still climbing, but I'm beginning to see and feel the light again. Thank God. 

Here's my list of must haves (in my opinion, and I am the one writing this) when you walk in grief:

Friends who initiate with you:

• A "me too" friend
• A "let's take a walk" friend (because you don't feel like self care!)
• A "let's get a foot massage/pedicure" friend.
• An, "it's okay, you can quit or walk away friend/community"
• A "you can be crabby, and I'll still love you" friend

Insider Tip: Don't wait for your friend to 'call if she needs anything!' Call them, show up.

If you don't have these kinds of friends, become one and they will show up when it's your turn.

Permission to Quit:

     One of the hardest parts for me was to admit, "I can't," or "I'm not able." The energy is just NOT THERE! I couldn't muster it, guilt it into being, or create it through normal practices. It just wasn't there. Finally, I fully admitted it, and basically walked away from all responsibility, giving myself permission to take a year of Jubilee (google it). A year where you let the soil rest, and the deeper work take root. A year free of indebtedness. A year of healing and restoring.

Insider Tip: Applaud these brave steps. They aren't easy to take. 

Good Books: Audible has become a close friend!

Here's  a few of my favs during this process:

• Falling Upward (Richard Rohr)
• The Road Back to You (Ian Cron; Suzanne Stabile)
• Lilac Girls (Martha Hall Kelly)
• A Grief Observed (C.S. Lewis)
• Out of Sorts (Sarah Bessey)
• Present Over Perfect (Shauna Niequist)
• Small Great Things (Jodi Picoult)
• And, of course, the Scriptures. Especially the Psalms. Love 145.

For everything there is a season,

a time for every activity under heaven.

A time to be born and a time to die.

A time to plant and a time to harvest.

A time to kill and a time to heal.

A time to tear down, and a time to build up.

A time to cry and a time to laugh.

A time to grieve and a time to dance.

Ecclesiastes 3:1-4

I wouldn't say I'm dancing yet, but the music is getting louder.