Invitation from Worry

Thanksgiving is a stressful time for me normally, but this last one seemed more intense as we had what felt like a  crisis happening in our immediate family. I found myself awake at night running through all the “what ifs.” Then, I felt guilty for worrying about something I have no power to fix. I kept hearing the words “be anxious for nothing” replay over and over in my mind. I cried out to the Lord, “how am I not supposed to worry?!” I felt scared and helpless.

Have you been there? Overwhelmed by a circumstance that feels disastrous as you imagine worse case scenarios? Are you worried now? Anxiety is a big topic and as believers we can tend to miss the opportunity that worry brings to grow more intimately close to our Lord. This intimacy is not nourished by dismissing our worries or minimizing our feelings, but by turning toward Jesus and letting Him Shepherd us through.

Jesus invites us to draw near. He brings us close, so He can teach us how to process our fear and experience His peace and rest. Do you ever wonder why Jesus often went away to lonely places? I believe part of the reason was He needed to express His fearful worried feelings to His Father. He needed a safe place. He longed to receive comfort and perspective along with the peace that transcends our circumstances. He needed, like us, a place to be completely honest about His feelings and be totally vulnerable.

Pause a moment and identify a worry or anxious thought that continues to occupy your mind. [You may want to grab your journal and fully engage in this process]

I’m going to paraphrase a few passages that address the same theme of worry and anxiety from the gospels and Paul’s letters. 

With your worry in mind, listen to Jesus’ invitation,

“________(your name)_______, Come here. Look into my eyes and give thanks. Breathe in My unfailing love and faithfulness. My understanding is beyond measure.I want to give you My peace. Will you rejoice in that promise? I want to give you rest and lighten your load. Can you give thanks for that? I have everything you need. I know you’re tired, let me teach you. I truly don’t want you to worry about your life (or the lives of others). Link arms with Me now. Let’s walk together through this. Our Father knows what you (and they) need.” Rejoice in Me.

 (Matthew 6:25; 11:26-28) 

“Now that you’re focused on the abundance of who I AM,  tell me exactly what you need. Don’t leave anything out. Freely express your feelings and thoughts, your fears and hopes. Pour it all out and know I hear you and I understand. Don’t rush, I care about every detail of your life.

Pause here and recall what I’ve already done. Give thanks again.”  [You may want to make a list of all that God has already done for you]

“Now, rest in Me. Live in Me. Breathe in Me. I want you to experience my peace that exceeds anything you can understand. My peace will guard your heart and mind as you live in Me. Keep putting this into practice then and fix your mind, your thoughts on what is true in Me, not on your circumstance. Think about things that are excellent and worthy of praise.Continually pray and give thanks.”

Philippians 4:4-9

This is not a one and done. This is where we live. Constantly returning to joy, giving thanks, expressing our needs and focusing on listening and following Jesus’ lead. He is our peace. 

Don’t be ashamed or guilty about your worried feelings. They’re inviting you to draw near. Let them lead you into the throne of grace and receive the help you need.

May God bless you as you grow in grace and peace wherever you find yourself today. 

Hush Harbor

Do you need to enter your own hush harbor? I sure do!

Do you ever read something and it jumps right off the page? Something that captures your imagination and your curiosity? Something that resonates with a longing of your own and you want to drink in all it’s offering? C.S. Lewis wrote that “we read to know we’re not alone.” Isn’t that true?

I just read a story* that is continuing to captivate my mind. A story that connects no where in my life yet offers an image I will hold on to. It is an account of slaves in the deep south during the mid 1800’s. It illustrates how they experienced God with them by anchoring themselves in Hope. 

Every Sunday they were forced to go to church to hear the same preaching over and over again:  “obey your masters and do not  lie or steal!” There would be an overseer to make sure the preacher said what the master wanted his slaves to hear and obey. 

How did they keep their hope alive? Where did all those powerful spirituals come from if that was their church? How did hope anchor them when their daily lives were lived in severe oppression? How were they able to grow in this hope without the luxury of Bible Study and grounded teaching? Or beautifully crafted worship songs or hymns?

It was not uncommon for slaves to sneak into the woods, or thickets, or swamps at night. A place where they could freely express their soul desire to connect with God. To cry out for freedom and receive assurance of His presence with them. Huddling together, speaking in hushed tones, they would have their own worship service with a whispered sermon and singing. This time/place was called HUSH HARBOR. In this harbor, they were assured that God was with them. God was with them in the undefined spaces. God is with us in ours. 

Hush harbors gave the slaves a place to cultivate hope as they waited for deliverance. One slave, named Jacob, explains that he made it a habit (practice) to stop three times a day, rest quietly, and enter his own hush harbor to recenter himself with God. His own invisible refuge. A place to remember that hope lies in the unseen (Hebrews 11:1).At great risk, Jacob would literally fall on his knees three times a day and pray. One day his cruel master named Saunders, pointed a gun to his head and told him to get back to work and stop praying. Jacob finished his prayer and invited Saunders to pull the trigger. “Your loss will be my gain…the body belongs to you, but my soul belongs to Jesus.” Saunders was so shaken by Jacob’s strength he never bothered him again. 

Jacob experienced the hope of God in the midst of hopeless and extremely vulnerable circumstances. Hebrews 6:18 says, “we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.” 

Listen to the experiential language here:

 Fled. Great confidence. Hold to the hope. Strong. Trustworthy anchor. 

Because Jacob had fled to Refuge again and again, he experienced great confidence as he held to the hope laid before him. He didn't have to decide what to do in that moment, he honestly responded from his heart.

Great confidence is not something we decide to have. It’s not an outcome of the right information or a sanguine personality. It is a fruit of belonging to Jesus. It’s cultivated through hush harbors of our own. Times when we intentionally engage in the Presence of God and experience the Trinity beyond words. Hope is a product of relationship. An outcome of dwelling in God our refuge (Jesus called it abiding). A few intentional moments throughout the day when we aren’t telling God what to do, but mindfully drawing near to our closest Friend. Touch points that ground our souls with hope as our anchor.  Jacob’s strong anchor held him steady in that moment because his soul was nourished in the inner sanctuary of God. Refuge. 

These focused moments of rest from whatever’s happening around us and inside of us give us opportunity to give thanks and to celebrate God’s grace throughout the day. They also anchor us when we are exhausted, scared, crushed, despairing, or confused. When we’re out of answers and out of words. When we’re out of suggestions for how it should go. When we’re vulnerable. At this very edge, we’re invited to go beyond the curtain (what we can see)  and into the presence of God. The inner sanctuary. Fleeing to our Refuge. Our own hush harbor. There's no right or wrong way to enter. Hope leads us. We come as refugees in whatever shape we're in.

Breath prayer** is one practice that helps me pull into the shore of my hush harbor and re-center my soul throughout the day (and often in the night). Whether it’s a day full of little waves or a time of great turbulence, we  always have access to this safe harbor because Jesus welcomes us there. What helps you anchor in? Do you need to enter and rest in Hush Harbor? Will you let hope lead you?

**You’ll find breath prayers I’ve shared posted on facebook and instagram under gracecabalka

P.S. I don't even begin to imagine I can relate to anything the slaves endured. I just know I often feel overwhelmed by life and overcrowded by noise and stress. I need to practice rest and this story gives such a beautiful testimony of hush harbor. Can you relate? Thanks so much for reading today!

1. *with by Skye Jethani, pgs.153-155

What does BRAVE look like to you?

When you think of bravery, what images come to mind?

I was recently asked this question from the host of the She Walks Brave podcast. Think about that question. It’s a great question! What comes to your mind?

First, I had to define for myself what bravery is. Here is what I came up with. Not very catchy, but true for me: 

Bravery is stepping into what’s uncomfortable for the right reasons

Told you it wasn’t catchy. 

We’re in a time where lives are curated and promoted in all sorts of ways. We admire those who do impressive, brave acts, like writing a book, moving across the world, or starting some amazing work for justice. And, we should celebrate these. But, this question caught my attention: what images come to mind?

For me, the bravest steps have been those taken in the dark. Deciding to quit a job that was no longer a good fit for me. Making an appointment with a therapist. Caring for a sick mom, and aging father. Exploring ways of engaging with God outside my tradition. 

But when I think of images, along with the big wins as mentioned above, I think of my brother and sister in law who are navigating the scary path of a degenerative, incurable disease, with their three sons. I think of my sister in law who goes every month for follow up blood tests to see where her cancer markers are. I think of my friends who are trying to move away from lives lived in the gang culture with so much working against them. I think of friends who are living single after decades of marriage and learning to live life alone with all its challenges. I picture my friends who are struggling with mental illness, or living with someone who does, and how much courage it takes to get out of bed each day. My single friends who shows up again and again to a church full of couples and kids. And, my friend who is walking through postpartum depression bravely nursing a fussy baby. I could go on and on. Brave, brave people who will never post a meme of their lives.

I think of my adult kids who are asking hard questions about faith, immigration, politics, sexuality, parenting, etc. And, I think of how much courage it takes for my husband and I to sit at the table with them and grapple all the topics without judgment or alienation. Sometimes it’s brave to simply say, “I don’t know.”

Most of the steps I’ve taken into the uncomfortable have been small steps in comparison to what others face. But, each step leads to greater strength and compels me to live more authentically as the woman God designed me to be. And, big bonus, these brave steps draw me closer to God.

In 2012, I was certified as a Spiritual Director. Spiritual Direction is an unknown practice in the churches I grew up in. Some friends questioned my path and were concerned for me. Learning to use my voice and speak up for what I believe, is brave. Standing up for equality of women in the church was an uncomfortable step that many don’t agree with. I have had to accept that and be brave enough to not let their opinion silence me, or to interpret their disagreement as a personal rejection.

My husband and I have had some pretty big waves crash on our shore. And we, one step at at time, (or maybe one stumble at a time),  bravely stepped into forgiveness, reconstruction, and deep personal work to grow stronger and truer in our marriage. 

Yes, I’ve done some bigger, flashier things in my life, but I’m convinced now that the daily steps of bravery into the uncomfortable for the right reasons are the bravest steps of all. So think about it. What images come to your mind? What steps from your own life? Not leaps, but steps. I’d love to hear.

Feeling a bit blinded today.

I just finished a weekend with my siblings as we gathered within the two weeks of the anniversary of our parent's deaths. I feel like I miss our parents more than I ever have, which makes no sense to me. Of course I wish I would have appreciated them more. I wonder if it's common as time goes on, for us to have a deeper longing for what we perceived was...
the security
the company 
the consistency, stability, predictability...

I'm feeling less and less at home in this world---so saddened and frightened by the hate,
the divisiveness,
the pain, the loss,
the ongoing tragedies.
Especially after a weekend like we've just had here in the U.S.A. I want to hear a parent say, "it's ok. Don't worry. It's all going to work out just fine." I want to be able to say that to my grandchildren.

I can't help but wrestle with the WHY-HOW-IF-s----over all of it. Seeking to know how to love and be content; to not fear, to be grateful....and I have it good, easy, privileged!

My heart aches for those who grieve today; who are separate from their loves through no fault of their own;
at the border,
at the bar,
on the street,
in the camps,
in homes, hospitals and prisons.

Jesus, you ask (Mark 8): Who do you say I am? and the answer is Messiah. How do You view all of this suffering?

Jesus, as you explained the suffering you said must happen, you told Peter he was merely seeing from a human point of view, not from God's.
I'm afraid I'm experiencing the same blindness as Peter today. I don't believe you were shaming him, I think you were showing us a new way to see by changing the way we live. 

You instructed us to give up selfish ways---to not be ashamed, to take up our cross and follow You. Apparently, changing the way we live is the way to see from God's perspective.

Search me, O God. I don't think I'm ashamed, but I am confused. It's dark. And, I know I still have so many selfish ways to give up. I need your help. I need to see how you see. 
As I wait...give me Your eyes,
your heart
your hope.
Give me the power to give up my selfish ways and to take up my cross and to follow your lead.

My hope is that death is defeated because You
are Good,
Love,
Messiah
and that you laid down Your life for all of us.

As much as I want to turn away, to blame, and deny...I choose to mourn today with You Messiah. 
To lament.
To grieve.
Trusting that I grieve with Hope, and that Joy will come in the morning (and in the mourning). 

May we hold each other today in selfless unity. Asking the God of all comfort to pour out Peace on all those who can't catch their breath. To hug them in prayer, whispering how sorry we are. This is my cross today.