Do you LIKE me?

Do you LIKE me?
What if there was no LIKE button?

Would we still post our pictures? Our pithy phrases? Share our opinions or funny memes? Write blogs? Or, share articles?

What’s underneath why we do what we do?

Everyone has an opinion about social media platforms. Some love them and freely express anything and everything. Some never post, comment on, like or unlike anything, but secretly spy on those who do. Some dip in and out, going on and off for all kinds of reasons. Some use it to express anger and hate and divisive views on everything from breastfeeding to refugees. Some use it for campaigning their work or cause. Some avoid it completely.

Whether we like it or not, it’s here and it has impact. I don’t bring this up to deliniate the pros and cons of social media. I bring it up because I’ve been contemplating what’s underneath it all and asking myself: what are we hoping to gain when we engage with it? Probably because I’m putting myself out there more as I revive this old blog. I’m questioning myself .

Is our need for affirmation a selfish thing? Is our need to be seen, known, heard and respected wrong? 

Do you like me?

[I know some of you are hearing Sally Field in your head right now gushing, "you like me! You really like me!" But, seriously, has there ever been a more honest acceptance speech?]

Remember when social media didn’t exist? It wasn’t that long ago. Back in “those days” (sorry kids), you only knew what was going on with someone when you actually saw them, or talked to them on the phone. Listening to tone, seeing facial expressions, and hearing why people were feeling the way they do. Responding with an audible voice, you'd share your perspective in the context of the relationship. And, it didn’t happen with that many people. Relatively few when you think about it. Our vulnerability was reserved for a select few. This still happens, but you have to admit it's a fading experience in our current smart phone culture. Trying to discern tone in a text can be tricky (and dangerous).

Back to my question. What if there was no LIKE button? I think engagement in social media is screaming out what our hearts have always longed for. To be seen. To be heard. And, to be affirmed. To know we’re loved and accepted and that we’re being cheered on as we navigate this bumpy path of life. God designed us to be that voice of encouragement in each other’s lives. Several passages in Scripture tell us to build each other up, use wholesome, edifying words, to encourage* one another, and to walk alongside those who are weak or hurting or wandering. We see that we’re all in process and there is grace for each step, as tense and messy as it may be.

Read the account of almost any Bible character and you will see this transforming process come to life! I guarantee you that if they were posting their opinions and pictures along the way, there would be many posts we would raise our eyebrows at and judge immediately. We’d probably block many of them from our feed! All of Paul’s letters encourage us to be kind, patient, tenderhearted, forgiving and bound together in love. Is there anything more affirming than that? Why did he have to keep repeating the same message? Because we’re not good at doing this. It’s so much easier to criticize and judge. Jesus summed it up in one sentence, “do to others as you would like them to do to you.” As my hubby would say: "BOOM!" Yes, Jesus is the Source of Love, but we are the embodiment of love for each other.

I confess, I need affirmation. I need people in my life that believe in me no matter what. I have a LIKE button that needs positive responses. When people choose to follow me on this blog, it encourages me to keep writing. If I make a brave decision, even if you wouldn't make the same, I need to know you're still for me. I need those voices in my life. And, I think you do too, no matter how thick your skin has become. 

I've decided if I am not close enough to you to have a real conversation, I won't voice an opinion that could hurt you from my keyboard (or from a microphone, or behind a pulpit). Golden rule rules! And, here's a tip, if you just can't help yourself, you can hide or unfollow anyone at anytime. Step away and take some time to do what Jesus said to do: Pray they would be blessed. If I were engaging with you as a spiritual director, and you explained the angst you feel around following some people on line, I would sincerely ask you, "why are choosing to still follow him/her?"

I can tell my self all day long that other peoples opinions of me don't matter, and there's some truth in that. But, whether I'm affirmed or not does. My soul needs true companions just like Jesus' did. Through thick and thin. It's humbling to confess that need, but I do.

Whether we engage in social media or not, or if we agree with one another or not, I pray we can accept and encourage one another with God's help. 

Romans 15:7 says, 

 Accept each other just as Christ has accepted you so that God will be given glory.

 I have fallen short of this instruction far too many times. When I think deeply about how Christ accepted me, I am humbled and grateful. Unconditional, complete acceptance. The more I let that soak into my soul, the easier it becomes to authentically accept others. I pray that this incredible grace overflows from me bringing God glory.

Can we look for ways to press the LIKE button for each other in new, creative, authentic ways? Don't hesitate to affirm someone today. Maybe even someone you wouldn't normally encourage.

What affirms you?  Share this post with someone you'd like to affirm, or be encouraged by. Are you wanting to make a change? Do something brave? Let's cheer one another on. We have enough in life trying to tear us apart. 

*encourage in the New Testament is a verb (parakaleo) and it means to call to one's side (to call near); to comfort; to exhort and admonish or affirm.

Three Reasons why I, a Christian, Appreciate and Promote the Enneagram

Scripture will always be my plumb line. My love and awe of it continues to grow daily.

About 12 years ago, my daughter’s old boyfriend asked me what number I was on the enneagram. 

The WHAT? 

I had never heard of it, and just the name of it rattled my belief system. He explained that it was a personality tool. I was comfortable with the 4 temperaments and liked being able to categorize all my family and friends into animal groups. I was a happy go lucky golden retriever and that’s all I felt needed to know. However, it did pique my interest, so I started looking into it. 

Fast forward to today, and I am so grateful I didn’t throw out this helpful tool due to the ‘scary’ name (It’s really not scary, ennea=9; gram=diagram). God has used this ancient tool to help me grow truer to myself and more intimate with Him.   I’ve read many books, dozens of articles, have had hundreds of conversations, and listened to dozens of podcasts. I’ve taken an online course, sought out a Spiritual Director who works with the enneagram, and have attended conferences and workshops when I can. I’m now using it with those whom I have the privilege of practicing Spiritual Direction. 

I’ve completed a course to be certified as an enneagram coach, and plan to offer workshops and direction using this tool for those who are interested. I am not a therapist, and will be the first to recommend therapy to those who are struggling. I am simply a learner, willing to walk alongside of you, as we grow together.

Here are three reasons why I deeply appreciate the gift the enneagram has been for me:

1. Self Awareness: The enneagram helps us identify WHY we do what we do.

Look deep into my heart, God, and find out everything I am thinking. Don’t let me follow evil ways, but lead me in the way that time has proved true.   (Psalm 139:23-24 CEVUK)

I have spent most of my life unaware of what was going on inside me. Sure, I was aware of my sin, my mess ups, my shortcomings, but I felt helpless in moving past the same pitfalls over and over. I was constantly saying “I’m sorry” to the Lord for the same mistakes. WHY do I keep repeating these things again and again? I’d beat myself up and spiral down the same familiar path of shame and disappointment. The lens of the enneagram brought much needed exposure and clarity and most importantly, a way to move out of that dangerous inner mine field.  

Now, I know why… (and these will be different for every number)

• I avoid hard conversations to the detriment of relationships
• I don’t pursue personal goals and dreams
• I narcotize and try to numb out of life with food, tv, etc.
• I procrastinate
• I am so darn tired!

I have lots of avenues of growth ahead (path of grace), but I can more quickly recognize when I am heading into a ditch and choose to redirect. I’m grateful to have rails to hold onto while I do this inner work. 

 2.  Understanding: The enneagram helps us see the world how others see it and our understanding grows.

You see the speck in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the log in your own eye. (Matthew 7:3 CEVUK)

The enneagram is made up of 9 numbers. The numbers are simply placeholders and have no moral value. Each number represents a different lens that someone sees the world through. My husband, Steve, is a 7, and I am a 9. He sees the world through a completely different lens than I do and he always will. It’s like I have a pair of green glasses on and he has red! All the arguing, stewing, bullying, and manipulating in the world will not change the color through which we see. And neither is wrong! I know you know this, but what the enneagram helps shed light on is WHY we see the world so differently from one another, and how we can meet each other at the point of understanding. This leads to a conversation that is actually helpful, healing, and moves us forward. It deflates attitudes of judgment and pride, fueling empathy and enthusiasm for the other(s) in our lives.

     

3. Reflection of God:  The enneagram helps us grow into the loving image God created us to be.

So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—-who is the Spirit—-makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.     (2 Corinthians 3: 18 NLT)

There are no shortcuts or magic prayers to launch us into truer reflections of our Creator. It is a life-long process and one that takes grace filled effort. Jesus invited us to be disciples (learners), so that we can walk on the same path of grace He did while on earth. The more we grow in our understanding of who we are, the freer we become to reflect His design to those around us. The enneagram is useful in seeing where we are hiding, and where we need to wake up and grow up. It is simply one tool of many. It may help you, it may not. If I can help you along your path, please join us at a workshop (I'll post as they come available), host a workshop, or contact me for 1:1 guidance.