Hush Harbor

Do you need to enter your own hush harbor? I sure do!

Do you ever read something and it jumps right off the page? Something that captures your imagination and your curiosity? Something that resonates with a longing of your own and you want to drink in all it’s offering? C.S. Lewis wrote that “we read to know we’re not alone.” Isn’t that true?

I just read a story* that is continuing to captivate my mind. A story that connects no where in my life yet offers an image I will hold on to. It is an account of slaves in the deep south during the mid 1800’s. It illustrates how they experienced God with them by anchoring themselves in Hope. 

Every Sunday they were forced to go to church to hear the same preaching over and over again:  “obey your masters and do not  lie or steal!” There would be an overseer to make sure the preacher said what the master wanted his slaves to hear and obey. 

How did they keep their hope alive? Where did all those powerful spirituals come from if that was their church? How did hope anchor them when their daily lives were lived in severe oppression? How were they able to grow in this hope without the luxury of Bible Study and grounded teaching? Or beautifully crafted worship songs or hymns?

It was not uncommon for slaves to sneak into the woods, or thickets, or swamps at night. A place where they could freely express their soul desire to connect with God. To cry out for freedom and receive assurance of His presence with them. Huddling together, speaking in hushed tones, they would have their own worship service with a whispered sermon and singing. This time/place was called HUSH HARBOR. In this harbor, they were assured that God was with them. God was with them in the undefined spaces. God is with us in ours. 

Hush harbors gave the slaves a place to cultivate hope as they waited for deliverance. One slave, named Jacob, explains that he made it a habit (practice) to stop three times a day, rest quietly, and enter his own hush harbor to recenter himself with God. His own invisible refuge. A place to remember that hope lies in the unseen (Hebrews 11:1).At great risk, Jacob would literally fall on his knees three times a day and pray. One day his cruel master named Saunders, pointed a gun to his head and told him to get back to work and stop praying. Jacob finished his prayer and invited Saunders to pull the trigger. “Your loss will be my gain…the body belongs to you, but my soul belongs to Jesus.” Saunders was so shaken by Jacob’s strength he never bothered him again. 

Jacob experienced the hope of God in the midst of hopeless and extremely vulnerable circumstances. Hebrews 6:18 says, “we who have fled to him for refuge can have great confidence as we hold to the hope that lies before us. This hope is a strong and trustworthy anchor for our souls. It leads us through the curtain into God’s inner sanctuary.” 

Listen to the experiential language here:

 Fled. Great confidence. Hold to the hope. Strong. Trustworthy anchor. 

Because Jacob had fled to Refuge again and again, he experienced great confidence as he held to the hope laid before him. He didn't have to decide what to do in that moment, he honestly responded from his heart.

Great confidence is not something we decide to have. It’s not an outcome of the right information or a sanguine personality. It is a fruit of belonging to Jesus. It’s cultivated through hush harbors of our own. Times when we intentionally engage in the Presence of God and experience the Trinity beyond words. Hope is a product of relationship. An outcome of dwelling in God our refuge (Jesus called it abiding). A few intentional moments throughout the day when we aren’t telling God what to do, but mindfully drawing near to our closest Friend. Touch points that ground our souls with hope as our anchor.  Jacob’s strong anchor held him steady in that moment because his soul was nourished in the inner sanctuary of God. Refuge. 

These focused moments of rest from whatever’s happening around us and inside of us give us opportunity to give thanks and to celebrate God’s grace throughout the day. They also anchor us when we are exhausted, scared, crushed, despairing, or confused. When we’re out of answers and out of words. When we’re out of suggestions for how it should go. When we’re vulnerable. At this very edge, we’re invited to go beyond the curtain (what we can see)  and into the presence of God. The inner sanctuary. Fleeing to our Refuge. Our own hush harbor. There's no right or wrong way to enter. Hope leads us. We come as refugees in whatever shape we're in.

Breath prayer** is one practice that helps me pull into the shore of my hush harbor and re-center my soul throughout the day (and often in the night). Whether it’s a day full of little waves or a time of great turbulence, we  always have access to this safe harbor because Jesus welcomes us there. What helps you anchor in? Do you need to enter and rest in Hush Harbor? Will you let hope lead you?

**You’ll find breath prayers I’ve shared posted on facebook and instagram under gracecabalka

P.S. I don't even begin to imagine I can relate to anything the slaves endured. I just know I often feel overwhelmed by life and overcrowded by noise and stress. I need to practice rest and this story gives such a beautiful testimony of hush harbor. Can you relate? Thanks so much for reading today!

1. *with by Skye Jethani, pgs.153-155

What does BRAVE look like to you?

When you think of bravery, what images come to mind?

I was recently asked this question from the host of the She Walks Brave podcast. Think about that question. It’s a great question! What comes to your mind?

First, I had to define for myself what bravery is. Here is what I came up with. Not very catchy, but true for me: 

Bravery is stepping into what’s uncomfortable for the right reasons

Told you it wasn’t catchy. 

We’re in a time where lives are curated and promoted in all sorts of ways. We admire those who do impressive, brave acts, like writing a book, moving across the world, or starting some amazing work for justice. And, we should celebrate these. But, this question caught my attention: what images come to mind?

For me, the bravest steps have been those taken in the dark. Deciding to quit a job that was no longer a good fit for me. Making an appointment with a therapist. Caring for a sick mom, and aging father. Exploring ways of engaging with God outside my tradition. 

But when I think of images, along with the big wins as mentioned above, I think of my brother and sister in law who are navigating the scary path of a degenerative, incurable disease, with their three sons. I think of my sister in law who goes every month for follow up blood tests to see where her cancer markers are. I think of my friends who are trying to move away from lives lived in the gang culture with so much working against them. I think of friends who are living single after decades of marriage and learning to live life alone with all its challenges. I picture my friends who are struggling with mental illness, or living with someone who does, and how much courage it takes to get out of bed each day. My single friends who shows up again and again to a church full of couples and kids. And, my friend who is walking through postpartum depression bravely nursing a fussy baby. I could go on and on. Brave, brave people who will never post a meme of their lives.

I think of my adult kids who are asking hard questions about faith, immigration, politics, sexuality, parenting, etc. And, I think of how much courage it takes for my husband and I to sit at the table with them and grapple all the topics without judgment or alienation. Sometimes it’s brave to simply say, “I don’t know.”

Most of the steps I’ve taken into the uncomfortable have been small steps in comparison to what others face. But, each step leads to greater strength and compels me to live more authentically as the woman God designed me to be. And, big bonus, these brave steps draw me closer to God.

In 2012, I was certified as a Spiritual Director. Spiritual Direction is an unknown practice in the churches I grew up in. Some friends questioned my path and were concerned for me. Learning to use my voice and speak up for what I believe, is brave. Standing up for equality of women in the church was an uncomfortable step that many don’t agree with. I have had to accept that and be brave enough to not let their opinion silence me, or to interpret their disagreement as a personal rejection.

My husband and I have had some pretty big waves crash on our shore. And we, one step at at time, (or maybe one stumble at a time),  bravely stepped into forgiveness, reconstruction, and deep personal work to grow stronger and truer in our marriage. 

Yes, I’ve done some bigger, flashier things in my life, but I’m convinced now that the daily steps of bravery into the uncomfortable for the right reasons are the bravest steps of all. So think about it. What images come to your mind? What steps from your own life? Not leaps, but steps. I’d love to hear.

Three Reasons why I, a Christian, Appreciate and Promote the Enneagram

Scripture will always be my plumb line. My love and awe of it continues to grow daily.

About 12 years ago, my daughter’s old boyfriend asked me what number I was on the enneagram. 

The WHAT? 

I had never heard of it, and just the name of it rattled my belief system. He explained that it was a personality tool. I was comfortable with the 4 temperaments and liked being able to categorize all my family and friends into animal groups. I was a happy go lucky golden retriever and that’s all I felt needed to know. However, it did pique my interest, so I started looking into it. 

Fast forward to today, and I am so grateful I didn’t throw out this helpful tool due to the ‘scary’ name (It’s really not scary, ennea=9; gram=diagram). God has used this ancient tool to help me grow truer to myself and more intimate with Him.   I’ve read many books, dozens of articles, have had hundreds of conversations, and listened to dozens of podcasts. I’ve taken an online course, sought out a Spiritual Director who works with the enneagram, and have attended conferences and workshops when I can. I’m now using it with those whom I have the privilege of practicing Spiritual Direction. 

I’ve completed a course to be certified as an enneagram coach, and plan to offer workshops and direction using this tool for those who are interested. I am not a therapist, and will be the first to recommend therapy to those who are struggling. I am simply a learner, willing to walk alongside of you, as we grow together.

Here are three reasons why I deeply appreciate the gift the enneagram has been for me:

1. Self Awareness: The enneagram helps us identify WHY we do what we do.

Look deep into my heart, God, and find out everything I am thinking. Don’t let me follow evil ways, but lead me in the way that time has proved true.   (Psalm 139:23-24 CEVUK)

I have spent most of my life unaware of what was going on inside me. Sure, I was aware of my sin, my mess ups, my shortcomings, but I felt helpless in moving past the same pitfalls over and over. I was constantly saying “I’m sorry” to the Lord for the same mistakes. WHY do I keep repeating these things again and again? I’d beat myself up and spiral down the same familiar path of shame and disappointment. The lens of the enneagram brought much needed exposure and clarity and most importantly, a way to move out of that dangerous inner mine field.  

Now, I know why… (and these will be different for every number)

• I avoid hard conversations to the detriment of relationships
• I don’t pursue personal goals and dreams
• I narcotize and try to numb out of life with food, tv, etc.
• I procrastinate
• I am so darn tired!

I have lots of avenues of growth ahead (path of grace), but I can more quickly recognize when I am heading into a ditch and choose to redirect. I’m grateful to have rails to hold onto while I do this inner work. 

 2.  Understanding: The enneagram helps us see the world how others see it and our understanding grows.

You see the speck in your friend’s eye, but you don’t notice the log in your own eye. (Matthew 7:3 CEVUK)

The enneagram is made up of 9 numbers. The numbers are simply placeholders and have no moral value. Each number represents a different lens that someone sees the world through. My husband, Steve, is a 7, and I am a 9. He sees the world through a completely different lens than I do and he always will. It’s like I have a pair of green glasses on and he has red! All the arguing, stewing, bullying, and manipulating in the world will not change the color through which we see. And neither is wrong! I know you know this, but what the enneagram helps shed light on is WHY we see the world so differently from one another, and how we can meet each other at the point of understanding. This leads to a conversation that is actually helpful, healing, and moves us forward. It deflates attitudes of judgment and pride, fueling empathy and enthusiasm for the other(s) in our lives.

     

3. Reflection of God:  The enneagram helps us grow into the loving image God created us to be.

So all of us who have had that veil removed can see and reflect the glory of the Lord. And the Lord—-who is the Spirit—-makes us more and more like him as we are changed into his glorious image.     (2 Corinthians 3: 18 NLT)

There are no shortcuts or magic prayers to launch us into truer reflections of our Creator. It is a life-long process and one that takes grace filled effort. Jesus invited us to be disciples (learners), so that we can walk on the same path of grace He did while on earth. The more we grow in our understanding of who we are, the freer we become to reflect His design to those around us. The enneagram is useful in seeing where we are hiding, and where we need to wake up and grow up. It is simply one tool of many. It may help you, it may not. If I can help you along your path, please join us at a workshop (I'll post as they come available), host a workshop, or contact me for 1:1 guidance.