Hope and Fear

I'm waiting for some news today.

I want good news, I fear bad news. I think it will be good news, but what if it's not?
I've been letting the Lord know what I 'wish for' for weeks now concerning this news. 

In my daily reading today, I was led to Psalm 147:1-11. Verse 11 says this:

He takes no pleasure in the strength of a horse or in human might.

No, the Lord's delight is in those who fear Him,

those who put their hope in His 

unfailing love.

Truth: My hope is not to be in circumstantial outcomes---but in Your unfailing (steadfast) love.

Promise: Your delight (joy) resides IN me, when my hope is fixed here and not on what I can see.

My reality: I respond to You with joy when I see circumstances turning out how I wish they would. I give You praise, I thank you sincerely, and I am happy. 

Experience: roller coaster

My response today to His gentle, humble teaching in my heart...

Lord, I feel like I'm barely getting a sip of what this hope embraces and what Your delight in me produces. I confess, I hope in outcomes (horses)...circumstantial evidence that You are on my side. I define Your love by what I see and I hope in things 'working out' how I wish they would---which then leads to me feeling happy and relieved; for now, anyway.

     When A leads to B

     When ______ gets _______

     When I have ________

     When he does ________

     When she stops _______

     When I get _________

It's endless what I fix my hope in as I set my mind there!

As I pray for things/people/circumstances to 'work out' as I've hoped for, or wished for in prayer---and perhaps with a little manipulation thrown in at times, I bow down, submit to, what I fear. I serve what I bow down to. 

IF my hope was truly centered in You---Your steadfast love (kindness, goodness, graciousness, strength) that canNOT fail...I wouldn't fear bad news.

Because my hope would not be OF the outcomes,

but IN Your steadfast love IN the outcomes, no matter what they are.

This hope never fails, it can't disappoint.

And in that posture of HOPE...

     my pride is crucified (that stinky I know best attitude)

     my heart is protected

     Your Joy lives, resides, dwells, illumines me.

That, my friends, is miraculous. That is the GOOD NEWS. Christ living in me, the HOPE of glory. Now. Today. Forever. That is TRUTH.

That is what I LONG for, even as I wish for certain outcomes.

Help me Spirit to walk in Your truth today as I wait.

How joyful (JOY FULL)

are those who fear the Lord...

They do not fear bad news; 

they confidently trust the Lord to care for them. 

Psalm 112

Sleep Experiment

If you know me, you know sleep is an issue for me and many in my family line. Steve says it's cuz we worry, but I have 'excused' it as just something I inherited; and that he simply chooses to live in denial (those are fun conversations;). Stress, anxiety, hormones...all kinds of reasons sleep is difficult. As I am spending more and more time in the psalms I see a pattern; a practice of David's that I've tried to ignore, or simply write off because he is a poet and songwriter. Have you noticed how many times he exhorts us to sing a new song, or recall to mind the wonders of God? Have you noticed how often he mentions the will in choosing to praise, to give thanks and to recall? And, it certainly wasn't because he had nothing to worry about! I can't imagine the load this king carried.

Here's one from Psalm 104:34
"May all my thoughts be pleasing to Him for I rejoice in the Lord."

Another from Psalm 149
"For You delight in me---You crown me with victory
I can rejoice that You honor me and I WILL sing for joy as I lie on my bed
I WILL let praises of You be in my mouth."

Flowers in the swamp

On Saturday, the Lord graciously drew my attention to this practice again. Here are a few of my thoughts as He gently and humbly invited me to learn (Matt.11:28-30). Lord, I'm very good at remembering to pray for pressing issues on my heart and I spend far too much time begging you to act (same old song). I'm realizing these are worried prayers, not prayers of faith. I want that to change Lord---I need transformation, radically. You never tell me to recall to mind those things. You tell me to cast those things on You. To not be anxious. I'm not good at casting, I'm better at reeling! You don't tell me to deny them, or to ignore them, but to cast them on You because You care.

Philippians 4:8-9  repeats the same theme. Where to FIX my mind and it comes with the same promise of peace.
So, here is the experiment: During the night, NO praying for issues that make me anxious, but only fill my mind and mouth with praise. Only praise. Willfully choose, in His power, to do so. Anxious prayer is not an option. Busy mind full of detail prayers are not an option. Only praise. Okay.

Sunday morning. First line from my journal: I slept all night! Thank you Father, thank You for inviting me to praise...

Monday morning. I slept all night again. Why? Because I put your Word into practice. I did not make supplications in the night. I filled my mouth with praise, and my mind with only things that are excellent and worthy of praise.

What do you know? He is faithful to His promises when I put His Word into practice. All for MY good, and HIS pleasure. The experiment will continue. I'll keep you posted.

My True Love Language

Kiki listening to Ollie

               "I love the Lord because He hears my voice and 

my prayer for mercy.

Because He bends down to listen."

Psalm 16:1-2

You've probably heard of the Love Languages book. You may have even identified yours. As I sat in silence this morning with this phrase on my heart, I realized for certain that the way in which I feel most loved is when I feel truly heard. And, to think that the Father bends down to hear my voice and to listen to my prayer is the sweetest gift.

He hears me when I have no words. He hears what I'm not saying. He hears the hollows of my heart and the mysteries of my mind. He hears. He knows. He listens. The psalm goes on to talk about His kindness, goodness and more and more mercy. 

Stop now. Take 5-10 minutes in silence and just pay attention to His pursuit of you and His tender listening to all you are.

Psalm 16:9 concludes, "so I will walk in Your Presence."...never out of His sight, never too far for Him to hear. He is bending down to listen. Amen, so be it.

Asleep

Sleeping like a baby

I was captured today by the thought of how and when Peter slept. Read the story for yourself in Acts 12:1-10 (just click on the reference) if you have time. But you probably have heard the story. In a nutshell, Herod killed the apostle James and the Jewish people at that time were thrilled, so he decided to arrest Peter and put him on trial soon (after the Passover). He assigns 16 guards and chains Peter up between 2 of them. The night before his trial, and most likely his death by sword as well, Peter is sound asleep. Let your imagine take you to that scene for just a minute. What if...you were Peter. Would you be sleeping?

I normally have sleep issues, but especially during these days of grieving the loss of my mom and transitioning in to our 'new normal.' Here is some of my reflection of Peter's state:

Lord, as I imagine this scene, I am overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by Peter's 'rest' in You. His deep relationship with You. His trust IN You. His friend and fellow apostle had just been brutally executed for no apparent reason other than for entertainment. Herod decides to arrest Peter for seemingly the same game. Sixteen guards; in chains; waiting his turn for trial; he sleeps. Peter, the one who denied knowing  You, the one who pulled out his sword in the garden, the one who sunk in the lake, the one who went back to fishing for fish etc...sleeps now. How? Things could not look worse or more hopeless for him. Biggest storm, biggest waves, loudest rooster ever. And, he sleeps. The depth of his trust, security, assurance, and peace is clear evidence of His at home-ness in You. Hidden with Christ in God. A soul with a body---not a body with a soul. He has denied his body of rights long ago and now has gained the life of the soul. He has been crucified with you and no longer lives for himself. He slept knowing the outcomes are in Your loving hands for Your glory alone. No panic, no pleading, no petitioning, no apparent anxiety or fatalistic resignation. Just rest. 

How in the world (or in the cell!) was he able to sleep in those circumstances? No Tylenol pm. no grief and trauma counselor on hand, no assurance of anything other than... the assurance of Jesus' Presence with him. The Promise. That sweet, precious promise from Matthew 28 that I forget all the time...and I will be with you always...

Peter learned to make every effort to respond to the Promise, not the pain. Listen to his charge, born of personal experience, that  he wrote in his letter to the church (us!)...
2 Peter 1:3-5
By His divine power, God has given us everything we need for living a godly life. We have received all of this by coming to know Him, the one who called us to Himself by means of His marvelous glory and excellence. And because of His glory and excellence, He has given us great and precious promises. These are the promises that enable YOU TO SHARE His diving nature and escape the world's corruption caused by human desires.
v. 5 In view of all this make every effort to respond to God's promises.

Lord Jesus, I long to know You and share Your divine nature and escape ME. Corrupted me. You've called me to Yourself-You have made it possible for me to share Your nature. I have received it. Help me to live in that reality. Help me to experience that power. Help me to make every effort to respond to Your call, and not to react to my circumstances. Help me to trust, like Peter, Your plans for my days and nights and to rest in You. Thank you for letting us see the process in Peter's life and the outcomes of abiding IN You. Spirit, remind me often to put my energies (efforts) here! Jesus, you said my work is to trust. Your kindness is incomprehensible as you simply invite me to respond to Your promises. I love You.